We’ve all been there, the treated-like-shit-by-a-real-jerk story which can damage your self-esteem so much!
Sassy Sloth is here to tell you how it is.
The Sassy Sloth Guide to Getting Over a Jerk: Part 1.
Plate by StudioFroezel
Repeat after me: “I CAN DO BETTER”.
Write it on a post-it note and attach it to your car’s dashboard, your mirror, the side of your laptop. Stick one on your forehead so everyone you pass reads it to you. Make it your new mantra.
Now comes the oldadge “But Sassy Sloth, if I really can do better, than why isn’t (jerkface) WITH ME?”.
Okay, now you’ve probably been told this a lot lately, but you’re not thinking straight. You’re clearly an amazing person and they are a loser for not seeing it. Increase the uptake in post-it notes and get your friends around to cry in their laps, stat.
Get a new hair cut, a new hobby or paint your nails. Clean your car if it’s perpetually messy. Do something you’ve been meaning to do for awhile so that you can remind yourself with small accomplishments how awesome you are. It also helps to get out of the spaces you use to go to together and move houses, but even changing up your bedsheets and treating yourself to new linen will do. I’m sure this is a welcomed suggestion considering you’ve been wearing those pjs for the last month and crying snotty tears into those bedsheets.
Get psychobiddyish on their arse and go a little crazy
Tear up their vegetable patch and snip their green beans, rip up photos of you two together and do something outrageous. Give them the sad love poetry you wrote when you first got together. Honk at their new girlfriend to scare her. Whatever gets the crazy out and gives you some laughs.
Grow your heart with new lovers and fuck the pain away
Interpret this how you feel comfortable. Heal and expand your heart with different touches, kisses, smells, sights, emotions and highs. Take a chance on someone else.
Including their phone number. You don’t want to call them up at 3am in the morning drunk and crying in a toilet stall. Trust me, it’s not nice. Bin that t-shirt of theirs you wear to bed. Chuck out those crappy mixed cds with music they kept trying to convert you to but you never really liked.
You will be pleasantly surprised at how liberating and exhilarating it is to tear into small pieces a drawing they did for you or dropping ceramics from a great height. Invite your close friends around and make a day out of it!
Getting over jerks takes time. It’s the grief from the end of the relationship PLUS the fact that they were a total jerk to you. It’s a double whammy that nobody can heal magically overnight from. It may take ages to stop freaking out everytime you see the same make and colour of the dumb car or freak out whenever you see a tall skinny guy with dumb blue shoes on. This is okay. Be kind to yourself. They’re dumb.
Take every day at a time.
So you made it out of the house today? CONGRATULATIONS. You had a shower? You’re the best!
Remember to compliment yourself and practice radical self-care. Do all those things they couldn’t imagine you doing- but do them for yourself. Start a band, travel, do public speaking. Ask that cute person you always see around out on a date (I know you know the one..)
I hope you’re feeling better because you deserve better.